gay people you CAN drive.
-"how?"
let me start this by saying: I've been forced into hyperindependence from my family since 16 years old so I'm accustomed to taking the thorny road less traveled since nobody helps me ever lol. This is absolutely not the best method, just my story and the route that I had to take.
my own background with driving
if you follow me on twitter then you more than likely already know how much of a struggle it was for me to learn to drive and can skip this paragraph. If you didn't, heres my story: I've been in several extremely bad accidents in my childhood. Two left the car totaled and in one accident I had to hold my friends head while she had a seizure and keep her from going unconscious. Because these were some core memories that I had associated to driving... I wanted to be one of those adults that never drove. I never had much of a desire to learn and could've happily lived without doing it. Sure my family gave me shit for it and so did other driving adults (which did hurt but I had to learn they weren't necessarily poking fun at my PTSD, just the ridiculousness of an adult in America NOT in NYC being dead set on NOT driving) but that was fine. I had been taking the bus to get to where I needed to go and supplementing where that couldn't take me with Uber/Lyft since I first moved out on my own at 17. I lived in a small metro area with a fairly decent bussing system so it wasn't TOO difficult or too long to get around. That was my life and it was more than fine.
This changed when I moved to one of the larger metro areas in my state. I now live in one of those rust belt metro areas that technically has public transportation but its such a genuine pain in the ass to use and get to where you're going that you really don't have an option outside of getting a car. To be at work by 8:10 (which was LATE) or 7:30 (which is really early) I had to be up and out my front door by 6:15 AM. Because the bus going downtown that comes through my neighborhood is so infrequent sometimes it wouldn't even show up at all. With all this being said you would think that I live really far away from where I work and that makes it difficult right? Wrong! Its a mere 17 minute drive to get to the building from my parking lot. Now if you're like 'well its a pain but you can't just wake up earlier?' true. But that wait also applies to getting off of work too. Not being able to walk in the door until after 6 PM and needing to be asleep by 10 to wake up on time..... its just not a life. You have no time to do anything. Like many other (I would even argue most) American cities, where I live its not feasible to use public transportation to get around on a daily basis. This is the sad truth. One of my pet peeves is how people assume public transportation in all American cities is like NYC and we want to be polluting assholes who can't "just take the bus!" For some Americans this is true but alot of us frankly don't have other feasible options. I get this is a mini lecture but I just wanted to give background. if for nobody else for me! this is 48% of the reason I wanted to have a website anyway but enough about my background..
LETS GET INTO THE ACTUAL HOW-TO-DRIVE-AS-AN-ADULT INSTRUCTIONS
I actually have one of the most fucked up car payments in the world with EXTREMELY HIGH INTEREST. And I'm desperately looking to trade it in. if you do have people in your life that can help you with the car purchasing part of learning to drive definitely consult them before you follow what I did. BUT the whole time I was trying to learn I wish somebody just laid out what that would look like in simple terms.
REMEMBER: The United States is a federalist system and licenses are extremely varied from state to state. These are gonna be general instructions/a general layout for what the process looks like typically but some states have very different laws than the rest
- LEARNERS PERMIT LICENSE
you'll need your temporary learning permit license (some call this your 'temps') before you're allowed to test for your license outright. how long you gotta have this permit before you can test depends on state that you live in and your age (example: if you're over 21 you only need to hold this permit for 30 days, if you're under 21 its 180 days - this isn't everywhere but is pretty average). this might not be a necessary step in your process but it was for me because I live in [REDACTED]. I didn't know this until I went to the BMV thinking I was gonna walk out driving - wrong! lol. they don't just give you a learning permit you do have to test for it but the test is fairly simple, common sense type shit (like who has the right of way in specific scenarios and what road signs mean). If you can't pass it you probably aren't ready to drive yet and thats okay! theres no shame or penalty in testing multiple times like its really not a big deal. you can take a practice test for your state here until you feel confident enough to take the actual exam.
This is where instructions get a little bit hard.. I have no idea if you have access to a practice vehicle that you don't have to buy yourself. I'll give 'how-to-buy-a-car' instructions and then get into the actual driving
- PRACTICE: THE VEHICLE
- 'how-to-buy-a-car' instructions
I went to a 'cheap cars here' kind of place and purchased a car. wasn't the best choice because as I said before, my payments high as hell and my interest is INSANE (I've been paying for over a year and have just now paid off the interest and am paying the actual balance of the vehicle now)... have hoope though! a 'buy here, pay here' place isn't your only option for getting a car. the car I'm driving now is actually not the first car I purchased but its the first car payment I've had. if you can just buy a used car outright and don't really care if its older or has some small issues, that would be best practice if you don't have any other options. your local facebook should have a page called '[INSERT STATE] Cars for Under $1,000-5,000' (you'll have to change up the phrasing but you get the gist). craigslist is also a good option for getting a used car. ALWAYS be safe when meeting up with people online and don't go alone. read the descriptions carefully and be safe about being scammed because it can happen. but don't let fear keep you from making a decision, usually when you're buying a car you have to take a risk or a less than perfect option.... unless you have either good credit (above 650) or a co-signer. if you have a co-signer for your auto loan or if you have good credit you can literally go to any car dealership and get the car you want. like most things in the United States, you'll find the process hundreds of times easier with money. If you're reading this I'm under the assumption you don't have the disposable income to make decisions like that, otherwise you would just go to a car dealership lot then a driving school lol
- 'if-you-already-have-a-car-to-drive' instructions
if you have a car avaliable theres really no additional instructions for that, congratulations! you're doing it the easy way baby!!
- PRACTICE: THE DRIVING
it is illegal to drive without a licensed driver in the vehicle while you have a temporary permit. do not do it even to run around the corner, you can get in mad trouble and its just not worth it. just wait to practice with another person. my mom happened to be living with me (a whole story here - don't ask rn) at the time I was trying to get my license so I just had her sit in the car and drive the car back home/to pick me up while I commuted to and from work and running errands thats how I practiced. As long as its a licensed driver it can be anybody, just make sure their license is active and they are in good standing with the BMV (also that they are insured or that the vehicle is insured in some way ((depending on where you are some states don't require insurance but most do))). once the logistics are out of the way - all thats left is learning!
- DRIVING: TIPS FROM A NEWBIE
- its hard to describe what driving is like via text but if you search around online there are people far more eloquent than me who can describe what to expect and give a kinda step-by-step how-to if thats what you're needing. driving schools also have youtube channels and tutorials for free, use those resources!! I watched I don't even know how many maneuverability test videos just to get a feel for what it would be.
- for maneuvering a car, just know it is all in the way you turn and use the wheel and NOT the gas. practice in an empty parking lot by parking into different spaces, thats the best way to do it. thats actually why you have to know how to maneuver and why they test you on it - parking.
- there will always be something fucking happening when you drive, always be ready to react when you're behind the wheel. you cannot freeze. driving is about reacting to bullshit out of your control from when you put it in drive to when you park. once you get a feel for your commute times/your city you'll know what times the streets are busy versus when its less people. tip: 'rush hour' is actually 3 hours starting at 4 PM and ending generally around 6. people drive like they're absolutely the fuck crazy because they're.. rushing to get home from work or to pick kids up from daycare. it almost feels like everyone is conspiring to kill you on the road during those hours, honestly, so if you have to drive them just know it can be intense.
- defensive driving can be the difference between life and death in some accidents, I don't want to freak you out but you need to be aware of the reality. protect yourself when you drive. people are really stupid as fuck.
-always drive one car length back from someone (tailgating is a dickish thing to do on top of being incredibly unsafe for you and for the person, if they're going too slow for you just go around them if its safe to do that otherwise be patient).
-never rush into a turn or an intersection (its not that serious if the people behind you get mad, wait to turn or do things when you as the vehicle operator feel that its safe. traffic comes in patterns/waves so if it seems overwhelming and like you'll never get a chance to turn so you need to go right now right nowrightnow- breathe. you can wait. the traffic will subside.)
-you mostly coast and control the direction the car coasts in with the wheel when you drive; I remember being shocked at how you really don't have to constantly gas. this sounds weird but once you drive once or twice you'll be like 'oh I get it'
I hope this was helpful in some way. I hope this reaches someone like me who thought because of trauma and poverty that they would just never be able to drive. you can do this. if you need any state specific help or general encouragement feel free to e-mail me.